Century Council Blog
Brandon Tells His Story
As many teenagers do, Brandon Silveria thought he was invincible. He learned the hard way that he is not, and that drinking and driving mix. Brandon and his family have been paying for his bad decision ever since.
When Brandon was 17, he had everything a teenager could want—a job, a girlfriend and plans for the future. He was a star athlete. He had good grades. He was one of the most popular kids in school. But when Brandon chose to drink and drive a few days before his high school prom, his whole life came crashing down.
Brandon had a few drinks at a friend’s party. He made a bad decision and chose to drive home. After falling asleep at the wheel, Brandon’s car crossed the centerline and crashed into a tree head-on. Brandon was left in a coma for three months and spent several years in rehabilitation. Brandon was so badly injured that basic motor functions such as walking, talking and swallowing had to be re-learned. Brandon has permanent brain injury and still suffers from dangerous seizures to this day.
Brandon and his father, Tony, have chosen to use Brandon’s tragedy as a lesson for others on the consequences of drunk driving. On behalf of The Century Council, they have taken their program, Brandon Tells His Story, to over three million students in middle and high schools across the country. For this year’s Alcohol Awareness Month in April alone, Brandon will have visited 17 high schools in North Carolina, Washington, California, Virginia, Florida and Montana. As high schools begin to approach prom and graduation season, Brandon and Tony are scheduled to visit several more schools over the next month. Brandon’s presentations continue to receive standing ovations from students across the country.
You can find more information about Brandon and request he visit your community in our Get Involved section.
So your kid's snarky: Back off the backtalk
Be firm and decisive with your scheming teen and you won't be forced to take their bait
ANTHONY E. WOLF
"No, Sondra, you cannot go to Death Metal Fest VI."
"But Mom, this is so unfair. I never get to do anything that's fun. You just can't stand it that I might have fun. It's not my fault you have some kind of problem about it because you had such a sucky adolescence. This is so unfair."
"Oh, right, I should let a 14-year-old go to a concert when the last one had the police come and some kids got injured."
"No, you just don't want me having fun."
"Sondra, that is such bull and you know it."
"No, you're just jealous because you never did anything as a teen, and it makes you sick to see me actually have a good time."
Much of what teenagers say can seem to be - and often is - manipulative, even disrespectful nonsense. It's hard to respond without giving it back in kind.
"Lawrence, I asked you to empty the dishwasher before I got home and you've done nothing."
"It's not my fault. I was about to do it, but then I wasn't sure if I was going to do it right because I thought you had said that you maybe were going to change where stuff goes. And anyway, if I did do it you'd probably just change it back because you're such a perfectionist, so what's the point?"
"Lawrence, do you think I'm stupid? Why do you even think that I'm ever going to believe the stupid crap that you give me all the time? Do you think there's nothing in my head? Duh."
Many teenage responses scream out for some kind of comeback with at least a bit of an edge to it. If they are going to talk like an idiot - especially if it is purely in the service of them trying to get their way or to slime their way out of responsibility - doesn't their nonsense deserve some kind of retort? Are you supposed take everything they say seriously?
"You make an interesting point, Sondra. I have to look into myself a little more. My adolescence wasn't so bad. But maybe I am bitter."
"Yeah, you're bitter and jealous. So does that mean I can go to the show?"
But the problem is that as absurd as her response may be, your teen probably doesn't see it that way.
If we were to ask Sondra if she really believes that her mother doesn't want her to have a good time, she'd probably respond, "Yes, she hates it if I'm going to have a good time. She gets jealous."
"You really believe that it's not that she thinks that an all-night rock fest that last time ended with considerable violence is maybe too dangerous and inappropriate for a 14-year-old girl?"
"No, she's jealous, that's why."
And were we to hook Sondra up to a lie detector, it would show that she's telling the truth.
But if she gets to hear what it's like being on the receiving end of a little backtalk for a change, maybe she'll learn that way, right?
Unfortunately, that's not how it works.
"Listen to how my mother talks to me. That's not the way a parent should speak to their child. How can she expect me to talk nice to her if she talks so rude to me?"
"That's the way you talk to her."
"Yeah, but I'm a kid. Besides, what am I supposed to do if she is being so unreasonable and unfair?"
This is how a teen often thinks.
As hard as it may be to stomach, it really is better to deal with your kids in as mature a manner as you can. It does set a good example, just as in the same way the opposite sets a bad example. Sondra's mom can remain firm, and not let her go to the show. But she can do so in a way that doesn't belittle her daughter. She listens to her - she just doesn't buy it.
"No, I am sorry, Sondra, but I just am not comfortable with it. No, you cannot go to the rock fest."
"You're not comfortable with it? Why is that my problem? You're not comfortable with it? I'm not comfortable with not going."
And at this point, because Sondra will always have more to say, Sondra's mother having stated her position, can disengage.
"You're not listening to anything I say. Mom!"
What does Sondra learn? That her mother is not going to be swayed by her ranting, but also that her mother will not attack her for saying her piece - no matter how silly that piece may be.
You're not a bad parent if you respond at their level. If you are the parent of a teenager and you're also human, this is going to happen. But there is another way.
Clinical psychologist Anthony E. Wolf is the author of six parenting books, including Get out of my life, but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall?: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager.
source: Toronto Globe and Mail
Century Council Tweets!
Want more updates from The Century Council? Follow us on Twitter – we have been "Tweeting" away! Our Tweets will keep you up-to-date with our events around the country to fight drunk driving and stop underage drinking, as well as fill you in on information related to underage drinking and drunk driving.
Check out our current status here: http://twitter.com/centurycouncil
Take Your Daughters and Sons to Work Day Photos
The photos from the Take Your Daughters and Sons to Work event with Misty May-Treanor and Antawn Jamison are up! Browse The Century Council's Flickr account for photos from the event. If you're looking for a more specific photo, check out these sets: Antawn Jamison photos, Misty May-Treanor photos, and general photos from the event. Also, check out our YouTube event video!
Thank you again to everyone who came out to the event last Thursday. We had a blast!
In the News
Everyone should take a minute to listen to what Clarence Gage of Wisconsin has to say in this video clip. He's been caught drunk driving 18 times. As the article notes, he has been driving drunk for more than 45 years – since 1962. He can’t even remember how many times he’s been caught. Clearly, he doesn’t seem to care that he is arrested for driving drunk, and he does not fully understand the consequences that can occur when someone operates a vehicle while they are intoxicated.
The Century Council, the National Judicial College, the National Association of Prosecutor Coordinators, the National Association of Drug Court Professionals, the National District Attorneys Association, the American Probation and Parole Association, and the National Partnership on Alcohol Misuse and Crime, have come together to fight for additional resources to expand the use of specialized DWI courts and to provide comprehensive and continual training to judges, prosecutors, law enforcement officers and probation/parole/corrections/treatment officials. These DWI courts and trainings will help coordinate the prosecution, adjudication, supervision and treatment of all DWI offenders.
We must take decisive action to get these offenders off our roads.
In communities where these specialized courts and training programs have been implemented, the cycle is being broken by reducing recidivism among hardcore drunk drivers, who are responsible for 67 percent of all alcohol-impaired traffic fatalities. Drivers such as Clarence Gage
That's why we have come together to support recommendations for the Federal highway bill, SAFETEA-LU, that governs all the federal surface transportation spending in the United States – recommendations which will keep our communities safe and reduce the number of hardcore drunk drivers on our roads.
Learn more at www.centurycouncil.org/hardcoredrunkdriver.
Thank You!
The Century Council wants to send a big THANK YOU to everyone who came out to the Take Your Daughters and Sons to Work Day at the Capitol Visitors Center today! We had a great time and hope you did as well. Check back here on our blog on Monday for pictures of the event!
