Dear Dr. Wolf,

My 13-year-old has been pestering me for permission to get her belly button pierced for the past year. My answer has always been no, she is too young.

Last night she revealed that she had gone ahead and done it without my permission. I had said no, and she went and did it anyway. There were good reasons why I said no.

Now it’s a trust issue. She has to trust me, and I have to be able to trust her. (And if I had known she would do it anyway, I would have helped her research to make sure she was getting it done in a safe place.)

If she feels she can get away with this one, what next? I am stumped. This is a first-time thing for me.

Distressed Mum

Dear Distressed Mum,

First, let me address the two big issues: trust and control.

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